"I'm trying so hard to connect to create clients..."
Stop trying so hard. That's so un-sexy.
Connecting is just that - one enlightened human to another.
About a decade ago I read the book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People', which is archaic and old fashioned but at the core of it is a lesson I brought forward into every interaction and it's simple... people don't give a shit about you, they want to talk about themselves. You can be the most interesting person in a room if you're the one simply asking others questions. Actual human interest is the best and easiest way to truly connect.
My husband got me to date him by only speaking a few words to me one evening we were out with friends and he turned his back on me the rest of the night. Like hell some jackass man was going to ignore me. His un-needyness was so damn sexy to me. I wanted to engage with him and start a dialogue. (*disclaimer, you don't have to be a jackass to connect either lol)
Don't jump ahead and start proving to them that coaching is valuable or that they need to be in a conversation with you.
Start with curiosity and see where that takes you...
Woke up thinking about change, thinking about transformation.
Change as altering the way we do things.
Transformation as altering the way we BE.
And the one sentence that's been my mantra this week thanks to my coach...
"What got you here won't get you there"
And at first I didn't understand, because what got me here should be exactly what will get me there... my success strategy will lead me into deeper success, right?
But it's trickier than that, because while my success strategies have absolutely been instrumental in where I'm at now, they are also the very things that hold me back. My willingness to fail time and time again is what makes me an incredible entrepreneur. I don't fear failing at all...
Because failing got me love growing up. Dimming my light helped me get friends. My nature was to easily do things most people couldn't, with ease. I never studied to get A's. I never had to work hard to have opportunities open up for me. Success was easy, but it didn't bring me the things I most wanted - which was love and friendship. Those came when I blended in. Those came when I failed like those around me.
So what got me here was not only my willingness to fail, but also by me seeking out failure. The massive wins followed by a meltdown from growth. Growing triggering the need for failing so I could be accepted and liked.
It got me here, and I thank myself for creating such a powerful strategy for success.
And it won't get me there.
For to get 'there' I have to be willing to fail at failing. I have to be unafraid of succeeding. I have to trust that I love myself enough that I no longer need to seek out the approval from others that just don't matter.
What got me here won't get me there.
I'd made the external changes necessary, but the transformation just came. I'm seeing the patterns for what they are and I'm rewriting my secret success strategies.
What are the secrets to your success... and how are they holding YOU back?
"To help one person have a life changing insight every day"... that's my business plan.
It's not to post 3 times a day or make sure my newsletter goes out at the same time each week, it's not to polish my SEO, it's not to make sure my conversion rate is at x percent, it's not to build my list or my fan page likes, it's not even to make sure my to do list is in total order.
I'm a coach.
And I build my coaching business by COACHING.
I'm not a sales person.
I'm not an internet marketer.
I'm not a networker.
I'm a coach.
I coach powerfully and I don't hold back.
I help one person every day have a life changing insight.
And when that happens and if it feels right we explore how to work together.
For me, it's not about the numbers or the actions... it's about the INSIGHT.
That's the magic.
The better I get at helping others have incredible insights, the easier it is to fill my practice.
I'm a Master Coach.
I coach masterfully.
I work towards deeper levels of mastery in my craft every day.
I practice what I preach.
That's my revolution in action - I model a different path each day I wake up and say 'Help one person have a life changing insight today'.
That's my revolution in action - to take people personally by the hand, not just plug them into a generic 'way'.
What is your way? What is your 'wake up and do' statement? Why are you really coaching?
A boy goes fishing at a nearby creek and comes home empty handed. He tells his dad there were no fish in that creek.
The next day he walks an hour (think olden times when an unattended child was actually a thing okay?) to a different creek and comes home empty handed again. No fish in that creek he tells his dad.
The next day he goes to a creek 3 hours away. Again no fish in that creek.
Confused his dad decides to go see for himself and he sees plentiful fish all around in all 3 creeks. When he gets home he tells his son what he saw and his son says 'but dad I put my hook in the water once and it came up empty so if there are fish then surely there's something wrong with my fishing pole'.
See the real difference between a struggling coach and a successful one is the successful one drops that hook more than once or twice. In truth, they learn to hear no over and over again. If you can seek out the 'no' answers, yesses will actually start coming in.
To succeed you have to be willing to hear more nos than anyone else.
Who cares that a couple of days ago you sent invitations that weren't answered? Who cares that no one replied to that offer you posted the other day? Who cares that yesterday that client you really really wanted told you they don't have the money right now to coach with you? Have you sent more since then? Have you said 'next' and moved onto the next invitation or proposal?
Or did you drop your hook once and then decided that there's something wrong with your hook or your bait or the creek or YOU?
Coaching is an art form... never taking the same shape twice, each artist has their own style, their own color preference and medium. The coach creates their own unique brushstrokes on the souls of their clients. It's an expression of our inner selves and who we are and what we bring to the table. Creating paradigm shifts for others requires us to be fully present and fully authentically our own powerful selves.
So why are we sitting in a room painting by numbers?
Why are you copying from someone else's canvas?
You say you want to create art... well art requires passion and dedication and an over whelming willingness to break every single rule to make a masterpiece.
You must pick up that brush over and over again to really be able to feel and smell and see the paint in your dreams. To have it embroiled in your essence.
Your coaching practice can be beautifully crafted, one color at a time or my splashing all the colors on the canvas and rolling around in it. It's an art form, a great form of expression and emotion.
Create your business like you would a masterpiece.
Throw away the paint-by-numbers crap.
Being a coach is HARD...
It requires us to be the most uncomfortable person in the room. We create a safe space for our clients while we stretch ourselves to say things that are uncomfortable and practice deep uncomfortable silence and to enter into the space not knowing for sure where you'll be going that day. It requires constant internal up-leveling, constantly stretching ourselves well past our own comfort zone so that we can help others more powerfully.
Coaching professionally is hard work.
It's NOT about showing up and being magical.
It's about always always always getting better at your craft.
It's about learning to master the art of sales and trusting your own inner guidance system.
It's about walking that line between not being a guru and still being an expert.
Being a coach is hard to do every single day.
Because there are days where we fall apart and then feel like a fraud due to our own sheer emotional humanity.
Because there are days when we're sitting in our house alone, again and the solitude can get lonely.
Because there are days when our friends and family are convinced that we're crazy.
Because few understand the drive to help others transform and even fewer who understand the drive to always be transforming ourselves.
Because sometimes we want to get lost in the theory of coaching more than we want to build up our practices.
Because sometimes it's fun to talk about not-so-deep shit.
Being a coach is the easiest thing in the world to be.
It feels magical and fulfilling and something that is impossible to NOT do, even when we feel like quitting.
It's our heart's purpose and mission.
Because there is a moment frozen in time when something in your client changes so profoundly, and you know their life just changed.
Choose your path. Coaching is the path of a Warrior. It demands your tears and your blood to succeed. It can be easy but it is not effortless. Take chances. Love to fail. Experiment.
Being a coach is HARD... so only you can answer, is it worth it?
How intuitive are you REALLY?
Most of the coaches, hell pretty much all of the coaches, that I speak with will own up to the fact that they are intuitive people. That they coach intuitively and they're really good at that. And that's great. When I first started coaching nearly a decade ago, I told everyone that they were going to be receiving intuitive coaching, that they were hiring an intuitive coach.
It was true, but it wasn't as true as it could be. Here's where I went astray...
1. I didn't consciously work on my own intuitive skills, I just leaned into them enough to have a good coaching call and then went about my life. My intuition lived in the vacuum of my coaching space. I didn't stretch my intuition. I didn't train my intuition. In other words, I'd turn up the volume during sessions and then tune it back out afterwards.
I learned slowly over time to tune into my nudges all of the time instead of sparingly, like instead of saving the best bite for last I ate only the best bites all the time. Once I really started focusing on being as intuitive as I could possibly be in all areas of my life, my sessions went from really good to holy cow. Intuition is like a muscle. I needed to develop and work it out and learn to really really have confidence and trust in it.
It is a natural skill that I get to nurture and grow.
2. I didn't let my intuition lead my business. This is a big one. I didn't trust that intuition is fine in my coaching calls but business was serious brain stuff. That was a hard skill to learn, to surrender when you know you have a to-do list. AND the more I surrendered the easier things flowed and the more money and abundance I created in my business and life.
I also didn't 'get' that running my business intuitively didn't mean I wasn't in action, I wasn't going to be sitting around meditating and hoping to 'attract' clients to me. It is a very active and CREATIVE process, it just doesn't look like what any one was teaching - and that was exciting and a struggle for me too, to fully abandon all the ways I had learned over the years and trust that my way was not only okay but was the ONLY path to my own success.
I had to develop my skills as an intuitive to be a better intuitive coach.
I had to incorporate intuition into ALL parts of my life, not just the coaching space.
I had to seriously trust that I hadn't gone completely loco in the process.
So my question to you is... if you were to abandon all of your carefully crafted marketing or outreach plans, if you divorced yourself from the 'shoulds', and if you leaned FULLY into your intuition - what would you REALLY be doing in your business this week?