Compartmentalizing ourselves came up in conversation several times yesterday (who the hell do I hang out with that it would be a normal conversation is a totally different post lol). It's amazing how much we all divide ourselves into 'appropriate' roles, buttoning up to show our 'good' side, the side that will be accepted and liked right?
My first session with my spiritual coach revealed something I was all too familiar with - the many faces of Stacy. There was football/tennis mom Stacy, and wife Stacy, entrepreneur Stacy, coach Stacy, mother Stacy, daughter Stacy, a whole bunch of others and then at the very end hidden behind everyone else there was spiritual woo-woo Stacy.
I learned very early in life that this last side wasn't one to be worn loudly, that most people don't approve of guide-seeing, aura-reading, thought-reading, emotion-feeling little girls. It made me weird in school. More to the point, having gone to psychic fairs as a young girl with the barrage of energy in the room and those weird, weird, freaky weird people, made me want it even less. I shoved her back in the recesses and only let her out with a sacred few who knew me well, like my Grandma and my mom Sandi. They educated this spiritual side of me, reading books and talking privately about new revelations and learning. But still she remained a silent partner in my life.
But as I got older the pain of that being hidden became too great, so I started letting her out more and more. She was still separate, as if I could control when and where I could be spiritual.
My work with my coach helped me to lessen my control... to allow her not just to come out but to weave her way through each of my different aspects, to be just as comfortable talking about Source at a rugby match as in a session. It took practice but the more I let her out the harder it became to control her, to keep her separate from the rest.
Compartmentalizing ME was no longer an option. I still have control issues... it's still a work in progress, as I lean into the next level of expansion, but that first step was to show up as a unified front, whole and strong as 1 person rather than fragments of self.
So how can you integrate who you are more? How can you bring your whole self to the table each and every time? Where are you controlling your own flow to show up as perfect? How can you release control?
We're in the midst of a garage conversion project... they actually started yesterday and took off the whole wall where the garage door used to be and have framed out the new wall. These guys came in and just blew through the work. Suddenly garage lights were replaced with new can lights, a spot for the ceiling fan, the ventilation system was run through, and the door was lifted to match the new floor.
In one day a garage became an apartment.
We were talking and these guys are thinking that they could be done in a week if it weren't for the inspections. A week for what we thought would be at least a month.
Why? Because they do this all the time. They know each other so well that they even do most of it without having to talk to each other. They just go in, everyone knows what to do, and they do it.
They don't over complicate it or create new ways of doing anything. They show up, do what they gotta do and they move on. And they love it. They love seeing the projects evolve. It's creative to them because each project, while the steps might be the same, is totally different.
Wonder what would happen if you got so good at creating clients that you'd just show up, get shit done, and move on? Wonder what would happen if you had so much expertise that you knew exactly what to do without second guessing? Wonder what would happen if we knew the experience would be different each time but the steps were just second nature?
Yeah I'm talking about consistency... one of my most dreaded words. Visions of boringness dance through my head.
I have pretty-shiny syndrome with the best of them.
I don't always like to stick it out to the point of mastery.
But when I do?
I'll admit it, when I practice some form of consistency, my business explodes and the amount of free time I have increases.
It doesn't have to be boring... mostly because with the new free time I can cook up all kinds of trouble.
Kind of makes you stop and think right?
I once had a 'discovery session' with a coach that lasted 5 minutes. It was like speed dating - tell her a problem, she tells you how to fix it and sells you a conference. It was a hell no. I felt like a nuisance to her.
I once had a 'discovery session' with a coach that lasted 15 minutes. Do I need to expound on that? Un-powerful and unimpressive.
I once had a 'discovery session' with a coach that lasted 30 minutes. It was like a coffee date with a stranger. Awkward and surface skimming. I used to do those - that's what I thought it took to get in and out without 'wasting my time' doing free sessions. Let's get to the paid stuff right? That's a better use of my time.
And that would have been true if I were a consultant or a lawyer where minutes are money. I'm not. I'm a coach... I gotta go deeper and 30 minutes isn't enough time to get to the juicy stuff.
I once had a 'discovery session' that wasn't. It was a full coaching session. Nothing held back. No differentiation between being an unpaid client or a paid client. Just us on the phone diving in deep. No rushing. Time slowed down. I felt seen and heard.
That person became my coach that day.
I'm not interested in passive interaction.
Give me passion and connection. Give me conversation and interest.
And I'll bring that to the table too.
Don't see me as another number who 'likes' you or your post or your page.
Don't add me to groups without asking my permission.
And I'll do the same for you.
We get lazy.
We start sending out mass messages in hopes that one person will take it personally.
I get lazy.
I do the same thing sometimes.
Perhaps even this post is an example of that… of being passive instead of digging in.
Like sending an email newsletter and assuming my work for the day is done.
But it's not.
As a PRO I know that there's one more thing I have to do, the thing that is a non-negotiable in my workday… and that's to connect personally with ONE person.
Not hundreds or thousands.
That's the opposite of passive.
That's interesting to me…
I haven't taken a deep dive into my book for the past couple of weeks. There's an element of pause and there's an element of avoidance. I was listening to an interview this week and there was this piece that stood out… "The only difference between highly paid athletes and not-so-highly paid athletes isn't talent, it's consistency."
See sometimes it's easy to say that I'm not feeling inspired to write, easy to push it off for other more 'important' tasks. But I forget that sometimes I don't HAVE the words until I sit down and open up to them.
I wonder what would happen if I simply found space on a consistent basis to just sit down and write? Not when the mood struck me but because I said I would?
I wonder what would happen in my businesses if I found space on a consistent basis to reach out to others? ot when the mood struck me but because I said I would?
I wonder what would happen if I just showed up fully every day? Not when the mood struck me but because I said I would?
That's really the sign that I've gone pro, that I'm more dedicated to being what I say I want to be than I am to setting it aside because I 'don't feel like it'.
Constancy isn't a sexy word for me. It's not a sexy thing for me to do. But how sexy could it be to lean into it just a little bit more than I do….?
Isn't it hard to work?I have lost track of how many people have asked that of me so far. Doesn't having a baby in the house while working from home make it harder to get stuff done?
And I'm happy to say yes AND no.
Yes, I want to cuddle up with her and play.
Yes, I want to be available to help my daughter out all of the time.
Yes, it's a distraction when I'm trying to do deep work to hear that little voice start to cry.
And no, having her around has been amazing for my business BECAUSE she is a distraction. I mean, I no longer have the luxury of doing things that are extra, that are optional, that are me just filling the work day.
See if I real want to go cuddle or help my daughter or read some Dr. Seuss to Lizzie, then I gotta get shit done. I have to be committed to focusing on the most important task only. There's not time for fluff or surfing. There's no space for losing track of time. I gotta get in and create magic time and time again - no room for anything less.
And I'll tell you what - this last month has been the most successful month of my coaching career. I have never proposed more or created more in a condensed period of time. And it's all because my desire to play is so prevalent. I can hear her little voice in the background calling to me. I can feel myself sliding into a flow state, where work just becomes easy.
I'll tell you one more thing that was unexpected for me - I no longer see my success as something optional, as something that I want but have never full heartedly committed to. This might sound bad, but I feel as if I never really felt that urge to create a legacy with my business. Not that I'm not passionate about coaching, I completely am and love my work, it's just that being a mother and building my lifestyle was my top priority, and my work was always something that was optional.
But suddenly I'm staring into the face of my granddaughter realizing that my only responsibility to her is showering her with pure unadulterated love and leading by example, showing her what is possible on the planet. I don't have to worry about feeding schedules or teacher meetings, I don't have to be inundated with the details of parenting. I just get to BE the person who simply loves.
It was like looking in the face of my own mortality in a way, wondering what I would be able to show her, knowing that she'd be studying me with different eyes as well. I'm the person she'll go to as a teen when she's sparring with her mother, I'm the person she'll go to to eat the forbidden foods. I'm the person who will sit and read her book after book after book without getting up to clean the house. I'm the person she'll want to have conversations about what I do.
I'm also the person that she may someday have to bury.
What will I have shown her?
I hope to show her that life is filled with infinite possibilities and I believe in each of them for her AS I HAVE DONE FOR MYSELF.
So if you ask what this little being has done to rock my world, I feel as if the fires had finally been lit to high. There's no waiting until the kids are grown and gone to really push the limits of my business. The time is NOW.
And there is no limit to how much love I can give. There's no holding back. Heart wide open staring into those big questioning eyes knowing that these are the moments Grandmas are made for.
So to answer the questions around how hard it is to have a baby in the house while I'm working… best gift ever.
I woke up a little out of flow. I could feel the constriction that happens after riding a huge wave - tide goes in and the tide goes out. And because that expansiveness and ease I feel when I'm in flow is so awesome, to be out of that felt so small and difficult. And I started to panic - 'wait! I'm not done flowing. Come back to me' I shouted at no one in particular. Sitting alone in my thoughts I started worrying that I'd never ever be in flow again, that it was a one time deal. 'Quick, grab a book. Surely there's wisdom there that will force your way back into it'.
And then I laughed.
Force myself into flow.
Haahaahaaa - not gonna happen.
I put the pile of books down.
The only way to get back is to let go. Surrender again. Allow the tide of flow out so that it can flow back in.
And as I felt my control loosen and took some deep breaths, I slid right back into the water.