We went to a live rugby match while in Dublin...Leinster vs. Glasgow. The crowd beforehand was so much fun and at one point while waiting on some food there was a group of men, arms slung over each others' shoulders singing.
I couldn't get a direct view (I'm not terribly tall) so I held my phone up high and hoped to capture what was happening.
Next to me was an older Irish man and when I brought my phone back down to see what I'd recorded he looked at me and said... "A bit vain are ye?"
Hoping I just didn't understand him and confused because I was filming a bunch of drunk men sing, I said, super intelligently, 'what?'
He said "Well it's a bit vain that, taking photos of yerself all the time."
And I realized that he thought I was taking a selfie, which to him was a terribly vain thing to do...I mean why would I want a photo of myself?
I laughed and showed him what I was actually taking a photo of, and he shrugged his shoulders and unapologetically turned back to his beer.
His bluntness did make me pause however, because in that moment, I felt embarrassed for every selfie I'd ever taken.
Until I realized - that his opinion, so bluntly spoken - was wrong.
We took selfies all trip long because sometimes we were up on the top of a castle wall and wanted a photo. Sometimes because we didn't want to hand my phone over to a stranger and ask them to take a picture of us. Plain and simple. We took them to chronicle our journeys.
That's not vain.
I realized however that I don't take many selfies not because I'm modest but BECAUSE I'm vain, because I never quite get my chin or lighting quite right or my hair or smile is off.
That's not to say that's the truth for everyone who takes or doesn't take selfies.
This isn't really about selfies.
IT'S ABOUT THE BLUNT BLACK AND WHITENESS OF OUR OPINIONS AND WHAT WE BELIEVE TO BE TRUE.
I have my own blunt moments where I clearly see the straight honest truth. But those are all MY black and whites. That blunt voice is judgement in it's purest form. Sometimes I disguise it as being "helpful", but really it's nothing more than my voice expressing my right and wrong of the world.
And yeah, it's simply my opinion or the opinion of some random man at a rugby match...and I don't mean to say 'stop being blunt' but it is a curious reaction right? The strait honest truth isn't always so truthful.
Can we be curious about that blunt voice inside of us, watching as it so clearly defines our day.
How are you filling your cup today?
I returned to my home from Austin at 1:49am Sunday fully expecting waking up early to take my son to rugby tryouts.
Hurry up and sleep.
We leave Wednesday am (shit... tomorrow) for a 10-day trip to the U.K.
Hurry up and get all the work done.
Hurry up and buy the last minute supplies.
Hurry up and clean and do laundry and unpack and then repack.
Cup looking a bit dry...
I cannot create a magical trip from empty.
Accept hubby's offer to take the boy and stay home to nap and slowly clean and unpack and feel spaciousness. ReEntry.
Everything that must get done will get done. Go meditate first.
The extras on the list can float away. Play with the pups.
If I forget to pack it, it can be purchased. Reframe to release the pressure.
Fill the cup.
Over and over.
We're been talking a lot in MasterSoul University about trust and the place of NEUTRAL.
In that spot, in that moment, when you're detached from the results and detached from the stories of why you can't or why isn't it happening faster, or why you're not good enough, that's when surrender kicks in and the magic can flow.
Releasing both the self doubt and the visionary expectations allows you to drop into the present tense.
And right NOW, it just IS TRUE.
Where can you trust yourself more int he process so you can let it all go and surrender to what is totally inevitable success?
Let me ask you something... how are your beliefs and your "need" to help getting in the way of REALLY supporting others?
What would happen if other people's dreams had nothing, zip, zero, nada to do with YOU & your opinion or experience?
How would you respond if you entered into the conversation without any preconceived ideas of how that person should live their life or create their business?
Sometimes people are excited. They want to share. They are vulnerably letting you see their desire...
They aren't asking for your opinion, your beliefs, or your 7-step-system. They aren't broken because they want something that didn't work for you, or that you've heard isn't a good way to go. Even if you know them so well and have their best interest in mind...
...don't give it to them.
Give them real true support by saying 'way to go, I believe in you, let me know if I can support you in any way.'
That's true best interest.
Real support looks a lot like being really present with the other person and trusting that they know what's best for their path.
And if there's something that you really, really want to add, for goodness sake, ask their permission first. "Hey, I noticed something here - are you open to feedback at the moment?" Don't assume they want to hear or are ready to hear your brilliance...
I was more excited for my client than I was for myself...
So last week while I was celebrating reaching #1 and loving and responding all of the beautiful comments from my latest book, I got a message from my client that literally made me scream and shout and cry in pure joy.
It's one of those moments where everything seems worthwhile...
See, she got a book deal.
But not just any book deal. When we started on this journey a year ago she'd submitted her book to several publishers and got nos. In fact, she spent more time writing proposals than working on the actual book.
So, when she came to my retreat, it was because she'd finally claimed that the book would be published no matter what.
It wasn't an easy journey, leaning further and further into her discomfort - between myself and her other coach, we didn't accept an ordinary book.
And it became an exceptional book.
So exceptional that last week she got this "Great news! Our editorial board met just now and very heartily endorsed your new book. We will send the Agreement very soon. People really liked the Hero’s Journey model, clear and practical content, stories and your background in this work...We are all eager to work with you on this book and expect great things!"
Her response.. "I am struggling to put into words, the gratitude that I feel in my heart right now."
And her news was SO MUCH BETTER THAN REACHING #1 for myself. Watching this project come full circle...there are no words to express how amazing it feels to witness.
So this is a simple brag to tell you, that everything we imagine is possible... even when it feels impossible so you take a different path and wind up exactly where you had most hoped to be.
And to tell you how much I admire her and how much she rocks.
And to tell you how much I clearly rock too since I will forever take partial credit for this particular miracle in action.
I love you and I love what you do, and I appreciate that you're in business and promotion is part of the gig. I just hate the way you market it to me. I hate the daily emails that are teasers for some webcast where something will be sold, or some affiliate marketing email promoting someone else's thing where something will be sold. I hate the sales scripts and the fake authenticity you put on. You're pretty cool when you're just you.
I love you and I love what you do, and I appreciate that you deserve to make money doing it. I am happy to pay for things that call to me. And I want to feel like more than just a paycheck to you. I want to feel like you're going to serve me and my needs. I don't need it for free, but I DO need to feel loved first. It's a two-way street.
I love you and I love what you do, but I'm going to have to unsubscribe to make room for someone else I love and love what they do who makes me feel loved in return.
I know you get this, because you've felt this way too.
Now pause...Would your people send this message to you?
Love and energy first...
Dear Beautiful Energy Workers,
Every time you do something that is in IMBALANCE, that is not in alignment, that you didn't do the energy work around FIRST, that feels a little off but you're not sure why so you do it anyhow...
It becomes a DAMN PEA UNDER YOUR MATTRESS.
And the pea doesn't get more comfortable with time, we just choose to ignore it and keep going.
The more you play with energy, the more in tune with your own mastery you become. The more sensitive you become, and as a result, the less and less acceptable the peas become...until one day you find that you can no longer rest if there is even a piece of a pea left there.
Be fierce with your energy first and foremost.
Get into alignment and THEN.
Yes, get into alignment with paying your bills and doing the things that need to be done. Be a vibrational match for your business and relationships and all of that...Do the freaking energy work for everything you do in the world.
Feel everything and notice.
This isn't about being perfect or living in denial of our own uncomfortable-ability in order to be blissed out all of the time.
Feel that anger, frustration, fear, doubt, sadness.
Those are really great clues that you just found a pea.
Break out the mint and butter and have a wicked pea feast.
But don't put the pea down and expect it to grow legs and walk away on it's own.
Do the work.
Lead with energy.
Eradicate the peas.
YOU ARE ALREADY SUCCEEDING
We succeed 100% of the time because we are MADE with infinite abundance in our cells. We vibrate with Source energy all of the time.
ALL OF THE TIME
In EVERYTHING we do.
We succeed at everything we believe is possible for us. Every story that is rooted in our system becomes true.
That's right, we are already successful in whatever we currently believe because success is our natural state of being.
We create an abundance of what we currently believe 100% of the time.
We succeed 100% of the time.
There is evidence all around you.
READ THAT AGAIN - YOU ARE ALREADY SUCCEEDING AT WHAT YOU BELIEVE AND YOU'RE CREATING THAT IN ABUNDANCE.
So the question then becomes, what do you believe?
See the tipping point of creating a different kind of success and abundance is understanding that we're already creating it all of the freaking time.
It may not look like what you think success and abundance should look like... but it's there. We are walking, talking, breathing self-fulfilling prophesies.
Now pause - before you go into analyzing all the bad self-talk and rehashing all the other things that you're obviously doing incorrectly, know this....you've done nothing wrong here. You did not cause unease or sickness or struggle. You are not broken and do not need fixing. The Universe loves you.
AND it's time to recognize that you are a mo-fo success RIGHT NOW.
Notice the stories.
Notice the beliefs.
Nothing to fix here...neutrally observe them for the next couple of weeks.
Let out your light that's peeking out from behind your stories and shadows.
Don't work on them, just BE.
What shit can you turn into fertilizer?
How can you get back to your natural state of highest vibration?
What energetic process can you put into place so that you REMEMBER that you are successful at everything you believe, at everything you KNOW to be true?
Change the KNOWING - change the kind of success you achieve.
I'm not talking pretend belief - no fake positive affirmations or pretending you get this...I mean how can you root it deep in your bones so it's not even a belief but a knowing?
When you KNOW it to be so, and you KNOW that you are a Spirit Machine that instantaneously cranks out success and abundance of anything you believe....
Every thought, every action, every moment - your thoughts and beliefs create your world. Be a fierce editor of your life and energy.
You are already succeeding 100% of the time.
Contrary to all the hype about surrender and letting go and just relaxing into "it", actually surrendering is hard as hell. Yeah there are moments when I can totally surrender, like dipping into a hot bath and letting the water soothe you.
But there's more to it than that isn't there? I've been on a quest to really ‘get’ it, to live into it. And I've been searching for proof that it wasn’t just some fantastical idea of spiritual living but that it had practical applications in my everyday life. In other words, I've had to live more fully in a surrender state than I had ever allowed myself to do.
I followed the ‘feel good’. I recognized that I am always in flow, even when the flow is painfully slow. I started relinquishing more and more control over how I allowed myself to be in the world.
What I noticed however, was that SURRENDER WAS A RESULT, NOT A BEHAVIOR.
I couldn’t work towards surrendering more because it felt like something unattainable, a foreign concept, something my mind just couldn’t ever wrap itself around.
The behavior I found I most needed most to cultivate to be able to produce that state of surrender, was TRUST.
BIG ASS SHIT TONS OF THAT FIVE LETTER WORD... TRUST
That opened a whole can of worms in my life. At the core of every fear and dream, every failure and success, every relationship, every word written, every moment stolen, was trust.
Without trust, nothing happens.
Without trust, surrender is impossible.
I spent time consciously focusing on where I could trust myself more. Those trust muscles got a serious work out. Moments when I was in the doldrums, when I starting hearing my mind doubting that I would ever get out of it, doubting myself and my process and moments of great rapid growth and action when I trusted myself to step out of the fast pace before I burned out and crashed instead of worrying that I’d never be in fast flow again, moments when I said yes and moments when I said no and trusting that it was the right answer for me at that time.
It has been a lot of work. I've done a lot of deep breathing. I've taken a lot of blind steps. I've hired spiritual coaches and energy healers to help me clear out the blocks between me and my place of surrender. I've read and taken classes, all the while focusing on trusting more.
Ultimately, I've landed in spaces of calm. Trusting myself more and more, and trusting the Universe more and more became easier for my mind to reconcile once I began seeing the proof that surrendering actually gave better results than I ever had believed possible.
That’s the good stuff - where the more you trust and surrender, the more magic comes into being. And the more magic comes into being in your life, the easier it is to trust and surrender.
I was feeling it everywhere in my life. I started to see the areas where trust impacted me the most, the patterns emerging of where I needed to trust more and where my clients needed to exercise their trust muscles.
I started mapping it out, the areas where surrendering had the highest and best impact: Can you trust yourself to desire? to create? to be powerful? to love and receive? to be vulnerable? to be you? and ultimately, can you trust yourself to surrender to a higher purpose?
Want to surrender fully to the magic we are meant to create in this lifetime?
IT ALWAYS COMES DOWN TO TRUST
I can feel the fear.
I can feel the vulnerability.
I can feel the trepidation.
I can feel the doubt.
And if I don't trust myself, those feelings take over & I stay put.
I can feel the nudges.
I can feel the desire.
I can feel the power.
I can feel the elation.
And if I don't trust myself to follow those feelings, the feelings fade away & again, I stay put.
But if I trust I can surrender, and if I surrender, I can choose how to respond to anything. I can choose to have fear, vulnerability, trepidation, doubt and trust myself to move forward anyhow. I can choose to feel the nudges, desire, power, elation and trust myself to ride the wave to whatever they are leading me to.
There are days where I don't trust myself and I struggle. And there are days where all I do is trust, and magic happens.
I don't always know where I'm going, but I trust that I'll make it.
It's an active practice, and the more I choose to trust, the easier and easier it is to surrender because evidence follows.
What will you choose to believe? What will you truly trust?
You're going along and everything is flowing and then suddenly you stop. There's no more enthusiasm or drive, the project no longer excited you. All you want is a nap and a cupcake (that last one might just be me...).
Because you're self-aware and stuff like that you may immediately think "I'm blocking myself, this is resistance" or you may immediately believe that it's just not meant to be and the Universe wants you to pause while all the millions of tiny little converge.
One or both may be totally true.
But how do you know the difference?
Honestly, the only way to truly know is to be consistent with your inner connection - can you commit to connect with the project to see if it's in alignment each day...not to work on it harder but to see where it lands for you? External actions are merely reinforcements for your own inner work so if it's too much efforting, then something's out of alignment internally. If you're avoiding it, it's an alignment issue and yes, you're in resistance.
Commit to the alignment and the blocks disappear.
If everything feels aligned and good, then it's a sacred pause and you can stop over analyzing what's wrong with you and enjoy the breather.
YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BY HOW THEY FEEL. Take out the mental chatter and meditate on the core of what you're feeling. You're not broken because you need to check your alignment - that's just basic scheduled maintenance.
I've had months of sacred pause where everything was in alignment but nothing was moving so deeper states of surrender have been required of me. And I've had months of avoidance, resistance, putting my fingers in my ears while squeezing my eyes shut singing as loudly as I can. And in those times, I can be in choice to clear the pathway and do the inner work required of me.
So, before you blame yourself OR the Universe, connect with your highest self and ask, 'Is this resistance or is this a sacred pause'.