How intuitive are you REALLY?
Most of the coaches, hell pretty much all of the coaches, that I speak with will own up to the fact that they are intuitive people. That they coach intuitively and they're really good at that. And that's great. When I first started coaching I told everyone that they were going to be receiving intuitive coaching, that they were hiring an intuitive coach.
Here's where I went astray...
1. I didn't consciously work on my own intuitive skills, I just leaned into them enough to have a good coaching call and then went about my life. My intuition lived in the vacuum of my coaching space. I didn't stretch my intuition. I didn't train my intuition.
I learned slowly over time to trust my nudges. Once I really started focusing on being as badass intuitive as I could possibly be, my sessions went from really good to holy cow. Intuition is like a muscle. I needed to develop and work it out and learn to really really have confidence and trust in it.
It is a natural skill that I forgot to nurture to it's fullest potential.
2. I didn't let my intuition lead my business. I didn't trust that intuition is fine in my coaching calls but business was serious brain stuff. That was a hard skill to learn, to surrender when you know you have a to-do list. AND the more I surrendered the easier things flowed and the more money and abundance I created in my business and life.
I also didn't 'get' that running my business intuitively didn't mean I wasn't in action, I wasn't going to be sitting around meditating and hoping to 'attract' clients to me. It is a very active and CREATIVE process, it just doesn't look like what any one was teaching - and that was exciting and a struggle for me too, to fully abandon all the ways I had learned over the years and trust that my way was not only okay but was the ONLY path to my own success.
I had to develop my skills as an intuitive to be a better intuitive coach.
I had to incorporate intuition into ALL parts of my life, not just the coaching space.
I had to seriously trust that I hadn't gone completely loco in the process.
So my question to you is... if you were to abandon all of your carefully crafted marketing or outreach plans, if you divorced yourself from the 'shoulds', and if you leaned FULLY into your intuition - what would you REALLY be doing in your business this week?
I see it every day - programs, some offered by very successful coaches, that promise you x-many steps to success. If you pay money into this or that program you will receive the PERFECT system to get everything you ever dreamed of.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Snake oil is an expression that originally referred to fraudulent health products or unproven medicine but has come to refer to any product with questionable or unverifiable quality or benefit. By extension, a snake oil salesman is someone who knowingly sells fraudulent goods or who is himself or herself a fraud, quack, charlatan, and the like.
I'm willing to go out on a limb here and tell you that the magic pill you're being sold isn't really all that magical. And it pisses me off when I see thousands of really cool people with amazing dreams and potential swallow the marketing being served.
See, I've seen the other side of the formula - every day I talk with people who feel like they suck and will never succeed because they are picking their way through all the training that these programs provide and they are failing… the 9-step formula to 7 figure income isn't working and they figure that it must be their fault.
I had a client who had spent upwards of $43,000 on programs and fancy masterminds and conferences. And in the first few sessions of working together we threw 95% of that into the trash and started retraining her brain to start trusting her intuition and following her own path to success. She filled up her program the instant she stopped believing in the magic pill and started believing in herself.
WE HAVE OUR OWN ANSWERS.
We know intuitively what needs to happen next to create what we are asking for. But we get distracted by empty promises and shiny quick fixes.
So I ask you - what is it you really want to create? What do you feel in your heart you are meant to do right now - in this very moment? What do the whispers in your soul tell you to do next?
I BEG you - please, please stop buying into the one-size-fits-all formula of building your business. You are unique and magical all on your own. You and the light you hold inside of you are all the formula you need to succeed.
I'm tired of receiving all these offers & business building crap daily. I'm feeling jaded and the amount of pretty shiny I'm being fed every day wears me down and makes me feel like my message is lost. Makes me want to compete harder, push more, fight for the spot on top of the mountain where the echo is loudest. And at the same time it makes me want to retreat, to question why I'm doing this in the first place. To give up.
And then I have a coaching call that rocks my client to breakthrough tears that she's still feeling a day later. And I want to have that feeling over and over again. That's why I coach - not to create better offers than anyone else or go for a bigger market share, but to literally change lives, to SEE people in a greater way.
Beyond the hype... Beyond what you're being told to do... what is it that you do that rocks you to your core?
I totally give you permission to mess up your business, to take chances even if they might fail.
I give you permission to stop and look around and get rid of the stuff that's just not working. Just let it go and move on.
I give you permission to work from bed or to rock your good heels in the grocery store, to wear plaid with polkadots or white after labor day.
I give you permission to have good days and bad days. Heck, I give you permission to have good minutes and bad minutes.
I give you permission to hug your babies even if they're too cool to be hugged in public.
I give you permission to laugh at inappropriate moments and to stay in when you're feeling like reading.
I give you permission to succeed. The real kind of success - the kind that you feel in your heart that will sustain you and make you happy.
I give you permission to over use exclamation marks and underuse commas!!!!!!!!
I give you permission to celebrate every moment of every day, shamelessly being proud of everything you do to make your world and the worlds of those around you brighter and better.
I give you permission to be YOU - completely authentically unapologetically messed up gorgeous you (without a single comma in the group!).
Anything else you need permission to do or be? Ask in the comments and I'll happily grant you the green light...
One of my clients said to me that one of her biggest struggles was because "Life is really unpredictable and I'm not a spontaneous person". Deep breath there because you know what? She's right. Very few of us can go with the flow all of the time... most of us try to control the path we're on, change the course of our day, resist change and shy away from the unexpected. So today's blog was my response to her... I figured it could help a couple of you control freaks (like myself) out there too :)
Life IS totally unpredictable - there is absolutely NO way that it will ever meet your expectations. Sometimes I will go over a conversation in my head, one that hasn't even happened, and I expect a specific outcome and when the conversation happens it is always different. That's part of life. But it is unsettling. So here's something you can do that can start helping.
Set aside a portion of your day that is completely controlled and non-negotiable. It can be as little as 15 minutes where you know exactly what to expect and the results are the same all of the time. It's like a little routine, perhaps it's even one that you already do but don't notice. When I shower I do things in the exact same way every time - I wash my hair, then my face, then I put on my conditioner, wash my body, shave arms then legs, exfoliate my feet, rinse off the conditioner. It is something I can control. It's predictible and stable and steady. You probably have tons of routines that you do each and every day that you don't pay any attention to.
It's about the intention behind the little habits you have - instead of just going through the routines, do them intentionally and with purpose. Because here's the thing - life will always throw you curve balls so you have to have periods of time for your brain to feel in control, to know what to expect. And once you start intentionally giving yourself things that you control then the un-planned things are less jarring because you have basically created a nice solid stable core, a foundation where you know the outcome. You can say to yourself "I know that the rest of my day may turn out topsy turvy but right now I'm comfortable knowing what to expect."
In this way, our habits become the very things that set us free. So.... down below in the comments section, tell me about one route or habit that you do daily - you probably don't even think about doing it - and then do it today with purpose, like it's something special and see if that doesn't make a small difference in your day...
I'm a huge supporter for learning new things and taking courses and reading books to continually fuel my fire. I try to do it daily to stay in an inspired, creative place. But every once in a while I notice myself going through a 'grasping' period. These are times when I become a serious addict - listening to multiple free webinars and ordering a plethora of books, sometimes to the point that the things on my to-do list are set aside. And then I get on a huge high and seriously start thinking about signing up for just about every single program out there because I 'need' it to get to the next level of my business or life. I feel as if I don't have enough knowledge inside to succeed and if I spend a few hundred or even thousand dollars (that isn't in the budget btw) then I will have the secret sauce to achieving all of my dreams. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the promotion that I can't figure out how I could NOT take this next class, which by the way guarantees that I will be making six figures this year regardless of the fact that I don't even have a credit card that goes up to the amount of tuition. And my heart drops when I get to the bottom of their sales page to find that this program is worth $30,000 but today it's on sale for ONLY $4,997 which you can make payments on. And on the flip side sometimes they don't cost hardly anything so I buy it hoping that it will be the panacea that sees me through.
And if I can't take the course because of finances or time, I feel like I'm not quite good enough. Like if I just had that once piece of knowledge from this class I could succeed but without it I'm lost. What is really happening here? I mean normally I'm selective about what I take and read. And I space it out so I can absorb and really implement the lessons.
So when I'm on a learning frenzy I have to pause and figure out why. Why do I feel like I don't know enough? Why do I feel like I can't figure it out organically? That I have to find an expert to tell me how?
I'll tell you why - because I'm feeling uncomfortable. I am pushing myself past my usual boundaries. I've jumped off of the cliff and I am trying desperately to grab hold of any vine I see swinging by. Magic life rafts that are surely worth the price of admission right? I'm in that space right now as I keep stepping towards building my business. I have butterflies every day - and it's awesome, and unbalancing and different and uncomfortable all at the same time.
Which means I have to breathe. I have to look at each program for what it is. Dissect each promise made by these experts and see if there isn't something there that I already know. If it's a maybe or a yes or a 'I could probably figure that out myself', then I cross it off of the list as a benefit to me. And then I go one step further and try to figure out why I feel compelled to buy. What prompted me to sign up for this particular list? What did their sales page say? Look at all of their marketing - is it something I can learn from? If it compelled me to want to click the buy button is it something I can replicate? Where is everything on their site placed and do I like it? What about the colors, the feeling? How often did they touch me before asking for the sale? Etc... And once I look at the course as a business person, not as an emotional consumer and I STILL want to take the course then I know it's for real - not just because I am grasping for straws.
The real lesson though is that by analyzing the product I think I have to have and then rejecting it because I feel I can do fine without it, not because I can't afford it or don't have the time, but because I can live without it, I actually feel more confident about myself. I start reinforcing the idea that I do have my own answers and I do trust myself, and if I choose to take a class then I know it's to INSPIRE me, NOT to save me. There is NO class that can do that - not mine, not anyone's. Learn to grow - not to survive.
'If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Listen to your intuition.'
I was flipping through Tumb.lr this morning and this picture popped up and I had to stop and smile because because it just drills down my next several paragraphs into 2 sentences (and until I get a different editor you're going to continue to get long winded).
So here's the thing - we all have voices in our head. Don't deny it. Some of us are crazier than others but there is a whisper that comes from our hearts, that nagging feeling in the back of our minds, or a feeling in our gut, when we KNOW something isn't right. My little voice is pretty pushy and in fact sometimes when I ignore it, she dumps the whisper and starts flat out yelling at me. Nice right? The reason my intuition thinks it's in charge and gets bossy is because I give it a lot of power. I trust and depend on that little voice all day long and it never steers me wrong. I hear everything from 'turn left' to 'buy this book' or 'go check out this place'. You name it and I hear it.
Am I psychic or just crazy? No more than anyone else. We all have the ability to tap into this wisdom that we have inside of us. Intuition isn't something mystical or obscure. We get signs all day long but we have to train ourselves to see them and ultimately to trust them.
My friend was looking for a job and she'd been getting a few rejections but finally got an offer. There was something about the job that just didn't feel right. She told me so. And she also went on to change her gut feeling from "This isn't the right place for me and I get a weird vibe from the manager" into 'I'm just nervous and uncomfortable with change". Now she was legitimately scared and uncomfortable with stepping into something new and I'm so proud of her to recognize that. But she ignored her gut reaction to the job offer and took it anyhow. After a few weeks she started seeing what her intuition told her initially - that there was something just not right. The position didn't challenge her and the manager was a little shady with all kinds of drama going on inside of the business (and she doesn't do drama). Exactly the same thing that her intuition told her prior to taking the job. So feeling as though she had wasted 4 weeks of her life, she quit.
LIstening to your intuition saves you time and money and energy. Every time. It helps you grow and shows you your path. Sometimes it drives you in a direction that seems to make no sense at all until one day all the pieces fall into place. And the more you blindly follow it - even if you think you're crazy to be listening to some voice inside of your head - the more you tell yourself that you trust. You trust and believe in yourself. There is no better way to build yourself up than to actually follow your own advice.
So I challenge you, just for today, to listen very carefully to the voices in your head. Don't argue with them or discount them. If you get the nagging feeling to make a phone call when you're supposed to be doing something on your list, pick up the phone. See where it takes you.
Would you ever wear a pair of shoes (even for fashion-sake) that seriously didn't fit - like 4 sizes too small or large? There is no faking the fact that you're shoving your foot into a Cinderella's Stepsister moment. If they don't fit you don't wear them, right? Or if they are really really not your style - you don't even buy them. Well what about other things in your life that don't fit? Do you continue to do things the way others do them because it's proper or expected even when it just doesn't feel right?
My son has, well, erm, organizational issues. He's 11 so I'm not expecting everything to be all filed and categorized but at the teacher-parent conference it became obvious that he has issues. After going on and on about how smart and amazing my son is (**bragging), his teacher lead up to the moment when she says "But his desk area is a safety hazard". Not just his desk - the whole area surrounding his desk. Not just your ordinary messy. A safety hazard. And it's not the first time I've had to address the over-flowing piles of stuff that child keeps in his desk. He's a repeat offender.
We tried several different techniques, special folders and filing systems, bringing every loose paper home each week to sort through - really all of the typical organizational tools used by professionals (totally making that up like I know what I'm doing there). But nothing was really sticking. Organizing appeared to be his Kryptonite. And then one day he saw a box and decided it was the perfect size to fit under his desk. Waiting for the box to just be another place to shove things into, low and behold if his solution didn't fix the problem. He puts his spiral notebook and a couple of text books into the box which gives him more room on top of his desk so the piles are manageable. It also gave him more wiggle room inside of his desk so he can put papers in without shoving them into oblivion. His solution was different from anything we had tried and it worked because it was HIS solution. No one else in the class has a box under their table. No sane mom would suggest their child keep a box under their desk. But it was the solution that worked for HIM.
See the shoes his teacher and I were trying to make him wear weren't his style. We knew they would fit but he just wasn't feeling them. He had to do things his own way for it to come together. I can write one example after the next about successful people who march to their own drummer but few of us actually take the initiative to step outside of the box and do things our own way. Because you're told to make a business plan does it mean you have to write all corporate-like and add charts and graphs and stuff? Well what's the purpose of the plan? To inspire you and give you a road map. How about actually drawing a road map with pictures? It's not how it is supposed to be done - and that's the beauty. If you're supposed to have dinner before desert what would happen if you didn't just once? What if you wore black shoes with a brown purse? The horror of not matching!
We all have within us a different way of thinking and processing and it's a travesty when we suppress our answers because they are unexpected or different. We do ourselves a great disservice by doing things by the book every time (okay - disclaimer: do not try this with the IRS or Law Enforcement). But what if Steve Jobs had suppressed his unique way of thinking? Einstein? Columbus? Mother Freaking Theresa? Or even my son?
So think about the purpose of the task in front of you - what result do you want? And then imagine how you'd really like to get there, not how other people tell you to do it. Wear shoes that not only fit but that you can rock out in and be a Cinderella not a Stepsister.