The only difference between the coaches that charge top top dollar and the coaches who don't is that they are willing to hear NO more than anybody. It's nothing personal, it's code for 'NEXT'.
Let's talk about the HELL NO. And more importantly the importance of releasing those NOs to make space for your HELL YES.
I sent my coach a message... I outlined 3 potential clients I was really excited about. They had visions and purposes that really inspired me and were PERFECT for my upcoming group program. Problem was, that each of them said 'hell yes, I just need to figure out how to come up with the money". My question truly was, how do I move forward with them? What message can I send them to really get them in action?
His response was frustrating as hell (true to form)... Until the money is in your account, they are not Yesses - they are NOs. That in order to create the hell yesses I had to create clearer agreements.
See the only difference between the coaches that charge top top dollar and the coaches who don't is that they are willing to hear no more than anybody. It's nothing personal, it's code for 'NEXT'
After a couple weeks of pouting and letting that sink in, I realized my hand was stuck in a monkey trap. My perfect clients were in that gourd and I grabbed onto the idea of coaching them... and then didn't want to let go. My energy was trapped around converting them instead of opening up and letting them go. I wanted them more than they wanted coaching.
So I opened up my hand and let go.
I acknowledged each of them for what they really were - HELL NOs.
I sent messages along the line of ""Either you're in or you're not. This isn't meant to be a pressure, instead this is meant to take the pressure off of you, because until you hit that Paypal button, you're saying hell no to working with me. And that's okay. This is an investment in yourself you might not be ready for now. But the minute you're ready to make this investment it's going to come back to you soooo powerfully."
Free of the entrapments of a "YES BUT..." allowed me to hop back into creation mode. I started filling up my calendar with more interviews, allowing me SPACE to call in the right person.
Want to hear the best part? The second I released them, literally ALL 3 signed up, money in the bank.
So where are you keeping your hand in the monkey trap? What can you release to make space for the magic to happen? It doesn't mean that what you release won't happen, but it does mean that you'll have energy for that or something better...
Magic isn't something that happens "to" you or "around" you. It's not something you can wait for... Sitting in anticipation for some fairy godmother to come wave her wand.
If you want magic, you have to be willing to CREATE it. Dust off your own personal wand and wave that sparkly stuff all around. Its in YOU.
This week I'm going through all 15 issues of iCoach Magazine and revising them, getting them ready for publication in iTunes. It's been an interesting journey to mature in my role as a publisher and as an author.
That first issue... I literally woke up one day with the message to publish a digital magazine. I didn't know how the hell I was going to do it - but I took the leap. Within a month the first issue came out. It was filled will affiliate ads and I forgot completely to even put an article in myself. In fact I did that for several of the first issues... one of the things I will be changing as I revise them - removing the ads and adding my own take on the topics. I've never really been into affiliate marketing... it's not my thing. I just didn't know what I didn't know at that point. I was doing what I 'thought' a magazine should be.
I'm getting into alignment with ALL of the issues now. The benefit of creating a living document right?
People often ask me how I've gotten such amazing people to be on the covers. It's simple - I asked. Some I met at events, some I've asked people who are connected for the introduction, some I've simply emailed. The answer will always be no if you don't ask however and I had nothing to lose. In fact I ASSUMED the answer would be no... I believe that releasing my expectations of an answer has been my greatest gift in the process.
I've been reading through my past articles as well, and have really seen how I have progressed in who I am and how I show up in the world. I have grown past the formulaic way of writing, allowing my soul to create the words and direction. I've stepped up my internal game with leaps and bounds.
Our next steps?
Continue diving deeper and deeper with my wonderful new collaborators.
Continuing to find amazing cover coaches who love to play with us.
Publish on iTunes this month, a long time dream
And at the end of this year... Amir, Karen & Marilyn and I will be publishing a book together, taking our articles, elaborating, refining and going as far as our hearts will take us.
So what would you like to see in the magazine going forward? How can we support you? What topic would you love to be immersed in? What's next....?
I'm not interested in passive interaction.
Give me passion and connection. Give me conversation and interest.
And I'll bring that to the table too.
Don't see me as another number who 'likes' you or your post or your page.
Don't add me to groups without asking my permission.
And I'll do the same for you.
We get lazy.
We start sending out mass messages in hopes that one person will take it personally.
I get lazy.
I do the same thing sometimes.
Perhaps even this post is an example of that… of being passive instead of digging in.
Like sending an email newsletter and assuming my work for the day is done.
But it's not.
As a PRO I know that there's one more thing I have to do, the thing that is a non-negotiable in my workday… and that's to connect personally with ONE person.
Not hundreds or thousands.
That's the opposite of passive.
That's interesting to me…
I don't aim to be FEARLESS. Fear is natural. Fear tells me that I'm pushing myself past the edge of my comfort zone. Fear tells me that I'm claiming something beyond what my mind can imagine. Fear is good.
What I aim for is being POWERFUL. Being powerful means getting messy and doing things that need doing. Being powerful is feeling that fear and not letting the story of it get in the way. Being powerful is a state of being that cannot be taken away - like an internal flame shining brightly in the dead of night… irresistible, calling to warm your soul and feed your senses.
How can you show up more powerfully in your life today? I see opportunities for myself...
I see a dis-connect... coaches who complain about not having enough business who are not investing in their own coach. How can you possibly convince others to step up to the plate to pay YOU if you are not willing to step up to the plate yourself? I don't mean sign up for more classes - I mean hiring a COACH.
This is a non-negotiable. You have to be on the receiving end of coaching to be a powerful coach yourself.
There was a time when I thought my money blocks were why I wasn't succeeding. I searched out coaches and classes and books about releasing money blocks and creating abundance. I dedicated myself to studying and practicing everything about money because surely that was the reason I was failing. I started working on them - throwing every spiritual tool I could at them. And things did start to change... I started receiving money and clients.
But here's what I really realized - that was just a coincidence because ultimately, at the same time I was working on the blocks, I was also changing how I was doing business. It wasn't the blocks that were holding me back. Now-the blocks are real but stick with me here...
I was avoiding asking for money & sales. I was avoiding conversations so I wouldn't have to sell. I covered it all with fancy marketing and clever posts. I appeared to be thriving because I was out making bold offers in the world. But it wasn't working because energetically I didn't really want to have a sales conversation. So when I did they often failed.
Here's what I discovered however... there was a parallel path that didn't have blocks in the road. There was the path that was sales conversations and asking for money that had a brick wall of resistance - the one that clever coaches are telling you they can help you break down over time. AND there was a path one step to the right that led to the same success that didn't involve selling per-se and that was miraculously wall-free.
So while the masses stood in front of the trendy money-block wall, I side stepped. I walked into the flow of my coaching business. I stopped selling. I stopped trying to GET all of the time and I started the path of giving.
I rejected all of the sales conversation models being taught to me where I leave people in pain, where I withhold from them, where I cleverly lead them to handing over their money so they can get the rest of the answers. The sales formulas really sucked for me - I didn't feel authentic. I felt smarmy and manipulative.
Instead I just started serving. I started giving away full coaching sessions. I treated a potential client the same way I treat my paid clients - helping them solve issues and have breakthroughs. There was no expectation of a sale, there was no pitch or strategy. And yet my practice filled up. Time and time again, I was giving my gifts and they were paying me back 10 fold. The fastest path around my supposed money blocks wasn't through, but by finding a different way, a way that didn't feel like sales but money is exchanged enthusiastically and with love.
So do you truly have money blocks? Possibly. Can you still succeed with the blocks in place? Absolutely... just ask: what is your parallel path?
Promoting isn't connecting. That's not a complicated notion.
But then I don't have the usual clients... my clients are mavericks. They don't want to create a business like everyone else is doing, always promoting themselves, shouting from the rooftops that they are open for business and hoping the business will come. Setting traps and clever tag lines that ultimately look like everyone else's tag lines.
People try too hard.
I spoke with 3 clients this week with similar issues... one who has friends who are building their business on bigger and louder is better principles and & she was scared to put the word out. The second kept avoiding marketing at all because she just didn't know what to say and the third was over-marketing, creating new content every single day to little or no impact on her bottom line.
These sound like separate issues but here's where the commonality is: they all have clients and NONE of them have come from the traditional methods.
Their business was already growing based on relationships and referrals.
So we released the expectations to keep up with the first client's friends... she's going to build her already successful practice in the same way that has been working and let go of the things she 'should' be doing because so-and-so is doing it successfully. She now is free to connect with people like she's already been doing but without the pressure to do more - because there's a right way, a wrong way and the way that works for her. Guess which is the fastest path to massive success?
And for the second client, the second she let go of the need to market (which she was spending energy trying to avoid by the way), she got 3 referrals in 2 days for the very program she most wanted to promote. Talk about fast action from the Universe! Let go of what isn't serving you and there's suddenly more room for what you want.
And the third client? Her entire world has been opened up. Instead of spending most of her days creating new content just to keep up with her crazy self-imposed schedule, she now has the opportunity to truly connect with people and build up her client base one conversation at a time. Snapshot showed that she has created over 70 podcasts and hundreds of blog posts. She'll be repurposing those in stead of making more and the coolest thing is that now she has material to send her clients that will directly help them achieve their dreams and deepen their relationship with her because she's got added value to share.
Relationships and referrals are a beautiful way to build your business. It doesn't involve posting on your fan page every day. It doesn't involve building up massive lists or starting a radio show.
It means to connect with other in a real way. It means to serve them so deeply and so well that they are excited to refer others to you. It's natural and it feels good. This is the core of the most successful marketing you will ever do... go out. Serve people. Be there for them. The money will follow...
She was completely frazzled and overwhelmed... her checklist literally had 83 items on it all for her launch of her upcoming live event. She'd had free calls, a video series, offered early bird discounts, talked about it on Facebook and Twitter and to her email list. She was doing all of the right things accoring to the launch formulas to fill those seats.
And granted she'd sold a few seats, but was far away from filling the room of 50. To say she was frustrated was a little understatement. Mostly she just didn't know what to do next when she'd done everything she could think of.
Except for one thing that I knew would work for her... actually talking to people and inviting them personally. No loud launch, no manic posting or check list miles long. Just her connecting with people and asking if they'd like to join her.
And the seats started filling up, one at a time. In fact she also started filling her coaching programs -the very ones she was going to be offering at the event -and then offering a ticket as a bonus for her new clients. When the day of the event happened, she had sold 43 seats and her coaching program was already 75% filled so there was no pressure on her to sell during the event at all. The coolest side symptom of filling the room this way was also that she'd already made personal connections with every person in the room. She knew their stories and tailored what she was teaching to serve them at a higher level.
Her traditional launch wasn't what gave her the successful event. It was her ability to connect with people and talk with them, find out what they needed and then offer to help them and personally invite them.
There is no launch system more powerful than building a relationship.
noun1.the act of buying or selling in a market.
2. the total of activities involved in the transfer of goods from the producer or seller to the consumer buyer, including advertising, shipping, storing, and selling.
Here's the conversation I have with most of my new clients.
Them: I'm doing all the Facebook posts and my website is up and blah-blah-blah but I'm just not getting any clients.
Me: Okay -so how many relationships have you built and how many conversations are you having?
Them: Well I have x-many followers and x-many on my list and I post....
Me: That's great. And how are you serving your people? And again, how many real conversations are you having?
Them: Well... but how do I find people to have conversations with? Where do I find them?
Me: It only takes one conversation and one relationship to create a client. Only one. Not thousands. Not going after all of the people you ever want to find you. Just one and then you find the next one.
See marketing to find masses of people sucks. It's like being Veruca Salt... going around being terribly interesting while internally you're only doing it because you want sales NOW. Being so sure that your message if heard above the din is the most important message ever. Perhaps your message is life changing but expecting to stand in the middle of the room shouting 'I Want It NOW!' doesn't work.
Listen, I'm not going to teach you to get thousands of followers overnight or to send magical unicorn emails that give you a $50,000 hour when you've never broken $100.
Those are marketing promises. And those promises are why marketing sucks. They're empty examples of other people's systems.
You don't need marketing systems. You need clients. Real live clients.
And those clients - well they are real live people. Stop marketing to them and start getting to know them. As PEOPLE, not numbers. As people just like you who also think that being marketed to sucks. I don't want to be Veruca's friend... do you? Even when she's being sweet and charming you just know she's all about herself.
Marketing sucks. Relationships rule. Do that instead... find friends, forge alliances, give support and love, change lives just by being you, and have real conversations with people and those people will become your client naturally and not because your marketing was awesome.
If Veruca really wanted a goose that laid golden eggs, she should have been more like Charlie. He got the geese and the whole flipping factory. See? Marketing sucks...