Welcoming The Sage into my book... the 9th aspect of ourselves. I find it a miraculous mirror of her when I coach, it's who comes into the room as I sit with my clients. Loving her beginnings >>
"There's nothing wrong with you.
You don't have some mysterious blocks to your success.
You're not doing anything wrong.
You're not incapable or unworthy or any of those other things you've been tellingyourself.
Perhaps there are some adjustments to be made.
Perhaps you're not seeing what's right there in front of you.
Because when I see you, I see someone who knows enough and is enough to create your biggest vision.
I see someone who is powerful and magical and awesome.
I see someone thoroughly worthy and capable.
Take my hand... walk with me.
See the possibilities through my eyes.
I lend you my courage, I give you my heart, I tell you things no one has ever told you, I hold sacred space for you
For I KNOW that YOU ARE ENOUGH
For I have lived lifetimes knowing you, learning the curves of your consciousness, being intimate with your heart's desires, holding the deep well of your soul... waiting and nudging it into the world - one shiny piece at a time
Nothing to fear.
For I have seen it all and I know it all and I believe in YOU."
Years ago I sent an email that was a 'coming out' of sorts, me bearing my soul letting everyone on my list know that I was born with all these psychic abilities. That email was the scariest email I had ever sent.
See I was convinced that everyone on my list would unsubscribe when they found out that I saw auras, could heal with energy and was an empath, not to mention the whole talk-to-my-guides thing. I'd built up this idea since I was a child (and in many past lives too… but I'll save that for another email) that it wasn't safe to talk about, that people would persecute me, lock me up or just generally shun me.
I was so scared but I hit the 'send' button anyhow and then I waited. I watched the numbers obsessively, waiting for the mass exodus, for the comments and emails to come back telling me how shocked people were, for me to never get another client ever again.
And I waited.
Convinced that the email must not have gone out correctly I called a friend and asked her if she received it and it went a little like this...
Her: "It was a good email. I always love reading your emails."
Me: "That's it? Nothing about how shocked you are to find out your friend is a crazy woo-woo freak?"
Her: "Why would that be shocking? I've been friends with a crazy woo-woo freak for years…"
I thought I had so cleverly hidden those aspects of myself so that no one could see ME. This coming out was a big deal for me because letting that light shine felt so risky and vulnerable. I'd built up stories around what it'd mean to me to be seen as this spiritual person.
What I had overlooked is that my true nature was already shining through, seen by those willing to look at ME.
Fast forward to this past Friday. I hop on the phone for a recorded interview with my coach, Rich Litvin, and 2 of my closest friends, Allison Crow and Marilyn Rodriguez. As we dive into the coaching Rich talks about what a powerful person I am and how he can't wait for me to really start owning that. Funny enough, I'd been talking with Allison and Marilyn about that already last week, about what it would look like if I could really OWN my power.
Loads of tears and snottiness (on camera btw… yay), I'm talking about what showing up as powerful really means to me. See my story and fear is that I'll love everyone and everything if I really show how powerful I am.
To which Allison says "You have this mystic image that standing in your power looks like Superwoman in her underoos. But it's not. It's just you who you are right now." And it all starts clicking in place, and I'm reminded of that email years ago.
These people on the phone with me already see me as powerful because as much as I try to dim my light and not be seen this way, I just am. I'll say it again… What I had overlooked is that my true nature was already shining through, seen by those willing to look at ME.
The best Ah-ha moments are those in which we don't get new insights, it's when the lessons repeat in front of our eyes, where we say 'duh'.
We can no more hide our power than we can hide our eye color. It's obvious to everyone you encounter, why deny it?
Who are you to shine? Dude… you're ALREADY shining.
Where are you 'leaking' your true self into the world but simply not recognizing it?
Where are you hiding behind the stories of rejection when in fact you've been accepted this whole time?
Writing isn't a natural form of expression for most people. Even though many try, there's a difference between a someone who writes and someone who expresses themselves through the written word. It's not in the vocabulary or grammar, but the emotion put behind each word. Real writers "write drunk and edit sober" as Hemingway once said. They expose their heart and soul on the page, pens dripping with the visual emotions of the prose.
They might write with an agenda. They might write because they want to. It might be short or it might be long. It might look like scribbles or be neatly typed and bound.
One thing is certain however... Writing for these people is not optional... for it is through this expression that their true self journey is experienced.
I know because I write.
Compartmentalizing ourselves came up in conversation several times yesterday (who the hell do I hang out with that it would be a normal conversation is a totally different post lol). It's amazing how much we all divide ourselves into 'appropriate' roles, buttoning up to show our 'good' side, the side that will be accepted and liked right?
My first session with my spiritual coach revealed something I was all too familiar with - the many faces of Stacy. There was football/tennis mom Stacy, and wife Stacy, entrepreneur Stacy, coach Stacy, mother Stacy, daughter Stacy, a whole bunch of others and then at the very end hidden behind everyone else there was spiritual woo-woo Stacy.
I learned very early in life that this last side wasn't one to be worn loudly, that most people don't approve of guide-seeing, aura-reading, thought-reading, emotion-feeling little girls. It made me weird in school. More to the point, having gone to psychic fairs as a young girl with the barrage of energy in the room and those weird, weird, freaky weird people, made me want it even less. I shoved her back in the recesses and only let her out with a sacred few who knew me well, like my Grandma and my mom Sandi. They educated this spiritual side of me, reading books and talking privately about new revelations and learning. But still she remained a silent partner in my life.
But as I got older the pain of that being hidden became too great, so I started letting her out more and more. She was still separate, as if I could control when and where I could be spiritual.
My work with my coach helped me to lessen my control... to allow her not just to come out but to weave her way through each of my different aspects, to be just as comfortable talking about Source at a rugby match as in a session. It took practice but the more I let her out the harder it became to control her, to keep her separate from the rest.
Compartmentalizing ME was no longer an option. I still have control issues... it's still a work in progress, as I lean into the next level of expansion, but that first step was to show up as a unified front, whole and strong as 1 person rather than fragments of self.
So how can you integrate who you are more? How can you bring your whole self to the table each and every time? Where are you controlling your own flow to show up as perfect? How can you release control?
Is it true that no one 'gets' their truth? I witness it every day in my work, I witness the beauty and power of someone aligning with who they are at a deep level. I experience it personally every day.
AND that doesn't mean we are free of fear or doubt, it doesn't mean that our humanness never shows up. It does and I hope it always does to some extent, because those are great indicators that I'm moving forward to the next level of consciousness for myself. Those are moments when I KNOW I'm pushing the edge of my comfort and it's time to keep in movement. To allow it to flow through me, to recognize how powerful those moments of intense energy are.
I can only speak to what is true for me. I stand up and take stand for whatever it is I believe in, but I never expect others to believe or follow. I hope what I say or write resonates with some, that tiny shifts happen. But I don't TRY to make change anywhere - because that's not up to me.
I don't preach.
I'm not a guru.
I don't have all of my shit together.
I just try to show up as the best version of me I can be in this moment.
Who would I need to be to always be powerful? To come from my truth in all things? To shed the internal judgements of myself and allow the messy, unruly me come through.
I've trying to 'figure it out' and 'compartmentalize it'. I've been trying to define it, understand it, express it. So that's what I am going to change today. Today I'm just going to feel it, experiment with it, see how far I can push my inner limits, cross those invisible lines that say everything past this point is impossible.
I don't need to define my power.
I don't need to judge it.
I don't need to force it out.
I don't need to fight with it for control.
I don't need to see it as a threat.
I don't need to feel like it is something outside of me, separate and different.
I just need to allow it to permeate my heart, to breathe it in and out. To experience it as the true me, the one waiting to be seen.
I just need to BE.
For years I hear people saying how important finding your 'why' is. What is your powerful why? You have to know your why. I hear people saying things to the effect of 'change the world' or 'create a revolution of love'. Why do you do what you do? Why are you on your current path? That's all so inspiring… but it's not what wakes me up in the morning. I have never known my 'why'...
Or perhaps I have but it's really hard for me to accept, because it pushes on the "I'm selfish" edge. What I found is that when I think of the 'save the world' or 'change people's lives' type of why, I think to myself that that is a RESULT, a natural outcome that occurs only when I show up from a place of expansion.
So my why isn't about anything or anyone else. My why isn't one that's going to be politically correct in the way I think it works.
My Why? What wakes me up in the morning and drives me to the core? The one that scares me to admit?
My purpose is to become the most expansive, enlightened version of ME that I can possibly become in this lifetime. To spend every waking moment consciously opening up my soul and merging it with my whole self.
THIS… "We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson
My why is ME
and I am on a mission from God
I don't know what it looks like or how it will show up, but if I focus on me and my own expansion, I'll create ripples I didn't know were possible, ones I may have missed if I pigeon-holed myself into a why that wasn't complete for me.
So yeah, I coach because I can only lead people down a path I am willing to walk first. Coaching compels me to constantly stretch and grow. It challenges me to focus each day on my powerful 'why'. Coaching and changing lives is the RESULT of my personal journey and other peoples' transformation is facilitated by a simple a mirror of what I create for myself.
What is your "WHY"?
What I'm present to this morning isn't the decades of giving away my power to others, dimming myself or taking responsibility for the peace and happiness of others around me. It isn't in HOW to fix it, reclaim anything or stand up for myself. It's in staying FULLY in the NOW and asking in each moment, how would the most powerful piece of me respond?
I've been tapping into my creative side... exploring with pens and watercolors. Enjoying this almost meditative practice of creativity. I have also challenged myself to stretch outside of my comfort zone and sell some of them on CafePress. I've earned $4 so far so I can officially say I've earned money from my art, LOL. The point is that I love the process of doodling and allow myself the time and space to explore it. It has nothing to do with my bottom line but has everything to do with the life I choose to create.
So what are you choosing to create? Is it filled with color and joy?
Can it be?