This morning I was sifting through my draft posts figuring out what to write and I grabbed a post about Facebook and the pros and cons of being online. So I just spent the last 30 minutes or so editing it to the ground until I realized that I really didn't care. Not only did I not care what I was writing but I couldn't figure out what the heck I was writing it for.
Actually I do know why I was writing it - I was writing it to produce something, to have something to post up on my networks, to be sure I had blog musings for my newsletter. I was writing it because it was on the schedule and I've been behind on my blogging. It was an obligatory writing assignment like the essays you'd have to turn in when you were in school. There was nothing wrong with the post, I totally would have gotten an 'A' on it, but I deleted it anyhow.
Why? Because it wasn't authentic. It wasn't really who I am or what Living ImPerfect is about. It was just another post for posting sake and honestly, it felt like a fun sucker. And I bet you would have read it and been like - that was okay, there were giggle moments and head nodding moments tossed in there. But would it have moved you? Because if I'm not moved on my end would you feel it in my words on your end? So, this is my second attempt for the day - it's me letting you know that I didn't shine this morning.
I was playing small.
I was acting in a role: blogger, business owner, coach, head inspirational diva - pretending that you would care. How many things do I do each day that are because I'm obliged to so I go through the steps, uninspired? Is it possible to feel like I'm bringing who I really am to the table? I pulled back that post because it wasn't me - and now I'm redoing it. It's the same result - I have a post for my networks and newsletter and all the other things a post does for my business and for you, the reader. The difference is that I can feel these words. I can tell you that approaching this task from a heart felt direction is so much more powerful than just doing something on my list.
And boy do I have a list... it's filled with things I am avoiding because they are un-fun. And like the post I deleted, I can tell that if I do those things with the attitude I had this week, they won't be great.They will just be unfulfilling moments in an already short life and I'm worth more than that. I deserve to be inspired and happy to be doing even the dishes.
The lightbulb comes on... see it's not the tasks or the post or the to do item - it's me and how I approach every single thing in my day. I can look at things like I have been this week, like more crap to do on top of crap. Or I can have a serious AA (attitude adjustment) and trick myself into looking forward to doing the previously dubbed crap. I love writing in this blog but I forgot that when I approached it as an obligation.
No more posts just to post, no more doing stuff because 'I have to' or "I should". It really is as easy as hitting delete and starting with a different attitude. Heart wide open... let's seize this day and make it big and fun and meaningful okay?
Playing small doesn't mean that I'm not doing enough. Playing small means I'm leaving the biggest part of me out of my business... my heart, my soul, my spirit. Doing things through obligation or 'shoulds' serves no one. Doing things that are inspired and aligned? That's going all in.