Let me ask you something... how are your beliefs and your "need" to help getting in the way of REALLY supporting others?
What would happen if other people's dreams had nothing, zip, zero, nada to do with YOU & your opinion or experience?
How would you respond if you entered into the conversation without any preconceived ideas of how that person should live their life or create their business?
Sometimes people are excited. They want to share. They are vulnerably letting you see their desire...
They aren't asking for your opinion, your beliefs, or your 7-step-system. They aren't broken because they want something that didn't work for you, or that you've heard isn't a good way to go. Even if you know them so well and have their best interest in mind...
...don't give it to them.
Give them real true support by saying 'way to go, I believe in you, let me know if I can support you in any way.'
That's true best interest.
Real support looks a lot like being really present with the other person and trusting that they know what's best for their path.
And if there's something that you really, really want to add, for goodness sake, ask their permission first. "Hey, I noticed something here - are you open to feedback at the moment?" Don't assume they want to hear or are ready to hear your brilliance...
I was more excited for my client than I was for myself...
So last week while I was celebrating reaching #1 in book sales around the world, I got a message from my client that literally made me scream and shout and cry in pure joy. It's one of those moments where everything seems worthwhile...
See, she got a book deal.
And not just any book deal. When we started on this journey a year ago she'd submitted her book to several publishers and got nos. In fact, she spent more time writing proposals than working on the actual book. So, when she came to my retreat, it was because she'd finally claimed that the book would be published no matter what.
It wasn't an easy journey, leaning further and further into her discomfort - between myself and her other coach, we didn't accept an ordinary book.
And it became an exceptional book.
So exceptional that last week she got this "Great news! Our editorial board met just now and very heartily endorsed your new book. We will send the Agreement very soon. People really liked the Hero’s Journey model, clear and practical content, stories and your background in this work...We are all eager to work with you on this book and expect great things!"
Her response.. "I am struggling to put into words, the gratitude that I feel in my heart right now."
And her news was SO MUCH BETTER THAN REACHING #1 for myself. Watching this project come full circle...there are no words to express how amazing it feels to witness.
Everything we imagine is possible... even when it feels impossible so you take a different path and wind up exactly where you had most hoped to be. That's how surrender and manifesting both work in action. It's saying 'this is what I want or something better' and then releasing the expectations and continuing to take steps.
I love you and I love what you do, and I appreciate that you're in business and promotion is part of the gig. I just hate the way you market it to me. I hate the daily emails that are teasers for some webcast where something will be sold, or some affiliate marketing email promoting someone else's thing where something will be sold. I hate the sales scripts and the fake authenticity you put on. You're pretty cool when you're just you.
I love you and I love what you do, and I appreciate that you deserve to make money doing it. I am happy to pay for things that call to me. And I want to feel like more than just a paycheck to you. I want to feel like you're going to serve me and my needs. I don't need it for free, but I DO need to feel loved first. It's a two-way street.
I love you and I love what you do, but I'm going to have to unsubscribe to make room for someone else I love and love what they do who makes me feel loved in return.
I know you get this, because you've felt this way too.
Now pause...Would your people send this message to you?
Love and energy first...
Dear Beautiful Energy Workers,
Every time you do something that is in IMBALANCE, that is not in alignment, that you didn't do the energy work around FIRST, that feels a little off but you're not sure why so you do it anyhow...
It becomes a DAMN PEA UNDER YOUR MATTRESS.
And the pea doesn't get more comfortable with time, we just choose to ignore it and keep going.
The more you play with energy, the more in tune with your own mastery you become. The more sensitive you become, and as a result, the less and less acceptable the peas become...until one day you find that you can no longer rest if there is even a piece of a pea left there.
Be fierce with your energy first and foremost.
Get into alignment and THEN.
Yes, get into alignment with paying your bills and doing the things that need to be done. Be a vibrational match for your business and relationships and all of that...Do the freaking energy work for everything you do in the world.
Feel everything and notice.
This isn't about being perfect or living in denial of our own uncomfortable-ability in order to be blissed out all of the time.
Feel that anger, frustration, fear, doubt, sadness.
Those are really great clues that you just found a pea.
Break out the mint and butter and have a wicked pea feast.
But don't put the pea down and expect it to grow legs and walk away on it's own.
Do the work.
Lead with energy.
Eradicate the peas.
The myth of progress and stepping outside of our comfort zone...
It mystifies me that the self-development world is so enamored with feeling discomfort.
We've all heard it - the idea that in order to do something great we have to stretch beyond our comfort zone. For many years, I thought that was true, constantly seeking that next thrill of doing something scary. Everything was just outside of where I currently was so I'd have to keep challenging myself all the time - and that's exhausting.
And then I realized that it didn't have to be true, that it could be a part of an old paradigm that I didn't have to strive for.
I object to the idea that something has to scare you to help you expand. That if you don't feel the fear then you're doing something wrong.
Because when we're using our intuition, the boldest things we can do are the things we are SURE about.
We KNOW that it's our next step. Fear is not, nor should it really ever be the measurement of how we live our highest and deepest calling. Why would we actively seek that which is low vibration in order to grow?
I get that most people don't mean it that way, that they are referring to that feeling of excitement or anticipation.
But that's NOT fear.
And perhaps the thrill of something new can be intimidating and scary but that's still no reason to live your life always seeking things that scare you.
Listen - get quiet. Really really quiet.
Sometimes you get ideas that are really really big and they cause your heart to beat a little faster.
When we stop there then yeah, we're pausing in the emotion of what is big and seemingly impossible.
Because behind that is an energy that is nothing like fear.
It's a knowing.
It's a calling.
It's this feeling like, yep, that's what's next.
There's nothing other than you and that feeling that this is why you're here on this planet in this moment. That this is what you're meant to do next. That this is, for now, your thing.
And when you simply show up and surrender to that feeling of knowingness, you will be literally guided step by freaking step along the way.
The only thing scary about that is being programmed that to be of value it has to feel scary.
There is nothing of value in the fear.
There is everything to be gained in the surety of taking your next step.
It's about right NOW.
I'm a visionary thinker. I can see HUGE things. I get downloads about world change, revolution, and massive impact. I hear the whispers of greatness when my mind quiets down.
I bet you do too.
Big ideas are my wheel house.
Which is exactly where I get stuck - in the BIGNESS of it all.
I bet you do too.
My friend Rafael and I used to talk about that a lot - how we have access to the voice of these divinely created things, that we're given all this input from Source about unlimited potentials and directions. And they are so beautiful and so awesome that it's hard to put into words.
How do you express the infinite in human terms?
In our businesses, how do we take these HUGE ideas and translate them into practical steps?
And the real question - how do we create practical steps that still feel as aligned as the VISION and PURPOSE we've been shown?
Come back to the present tense.
Connect internally and ask, what is the NEXT ONE STEP?
Hold the vision and be here now.
And for my energy workers & intuitives & empaths - we are MOST powerful when we are fully in the moment. That's where our true connection lies. So if we get lost in the future vision, we are taken away from our place of power.
Allow the vision.
Then allow each individual action to be made in service of that vision, not in the future but in this moment.
By slowing down to be present we allow the massiveness of our purpose to be immediately possible.
How intuitive are you REALLY?
Most of the coaches, hell pretty much all of the coaches, that I speak with will own up to the fact that they are intuitive people. That they coach intuitively and they're really good at that. And that's great. When I first started coaching nearly a decade ago, I told everyone that they were going to be receiving intuitive coaching, that they were hiring an intuitive coach.
It was true, but it wasn't as true as it could be. Here's where I went astray...
1. I didn't consciously work on my own intuitive skills, I just leaned into them enough to have a good coaching call and then went about my life. My intuition lived in the vacuum of my coaching space. I didn't stretch my intuition. I didn't train my intuition. In other words, I'd turn up the volume during sessions and then tune it back out afterwards.
I learned slowly over time to tune into my nudges all of the time instead of sparingly, like instead of saving the best bite for last I ate only the best bites all the time. Once I really started focusing on being as intuitive as I could possibly be in all areas of my life, my sessions went from really good to holy cow. Intuition is like a muscle. I needed to develop and work it out and learn to really really have confidence and trust in it.
It is a natural skill that I get to nurture and grow.
2. I didn't let my intuition lead my business. This is a big one. I didn't trust that intuition is fine in my coaching calls but business was serious brain stuff. That was a hard skill to learn, to surrender when you know you have a to-do list. AND the more I surrendered the easier things flowed and the more money and abundance I created in my business and life.
I also didn't 'get' that running my business intuitively didn't mean I wasn't in action, I wasn't going to be sitting around meditating and hoping to 'attract' clients to me. It is a very active and CREATIVE process, it just doesn't look like what any one was teaching - and that was exciting and a struggle for me too, to fully abandon all the ways I had learned over the years and trust that my way was not only okay but was the ONLY path to my own success.
I had to develop my skills as an intuitive to be a better intuitive coach.
I had to incorporate intuition into ALL parts of my life, not just the coaching space.
I had to seriously trust that I hadn't gone completely loco in the process.
So my question to you is... if you were to abandon all of your carefully crafted marketing or outreach plans, if you divorced yourself from the 'shoulds', and if you leaned FULLY into your intuition - what would you REALLY be doing in your business this week?
What would happen if you stopped worrying about saying the right thing and just spoke?
What would happen if you stopped having sales conversations and simply listened?
What would happen if you stopped trying to market and learned to create clients intuitively and through your true spiritual, heart center?
What would happen if you created more space for yourself to create instead of creating more tasks to do?
What if you set out to create more deep connections rather than make more prospects?
What would happen if you did what came easy and still stretched into your edge?
What would happen if your entire business plan could be summed up in one sentence... the mission that wakes you up in the morning?
Are you looking for a magic bullet?
Ramit Sethi writes… "In the world of personal development, there’s a concept called the 'Magic Bullet.' Marketers spend thousands of dollars to learn how to master the concept, but I’m going to teach you how it works right here.
A Magic Bullet is the ONE THING that people believe will help them achieve their goals. Although we “know” that success is really about a complex, nuanced interaction of many elements, most people look for the single thing they believe will help them finally change.
Weight loss: “What diet are you on?” (As if the diet alone will change everything)
Money: “Who are you investing through?” (You’ll hear this as you get older. People in their 40s use this as their money Magic Bullet, as if knowing some amazing investor will ensure they get amazing investment returns….uh no)
Career: (Pop quiz: Can you guess the Magic Bullet people use for their careers? It goes like this: To get a better job, I need to ____ ____ ____ )
Once you truly understand the MB concept, you’ll see it everywhere, because unscrupulous marketers know how powerful it can be. Hence the millions of websites shouting taglines like, “THE ONE SUPERFOOD YOU MUST EAT!!!”
Do you want me to feed you a line of bullshit about how if you do JUST THIS ONE THING, you can be successful? Or would you rather I tell you the truth about how hard success is — then show you the exact roadmaps to get there?" (read the full article here - it's totally worth the read)
Listen, success can only come when you clear out the mental chatter. When you learn to trust your inner voice and peel away the layers that are blocking your magnificence from shining. I'm talking about success in your business and success in your LIFE.
The question of 'how' do I do this is boring… but the question of 'why aren't I doing this' is sexy. That's where we'll go. To the deeper levels within you that are just waiting to step into their power and take control of your own destiny.
If you are a magic pill seeker, go join B-School or one of the thousands of courses that promise 6 figures overnight. Come back when those formulas don't feel right.
If you want to succeed from a place of power and authenticity, if you are interested in self growth as a vehicle to make an impact on each life you touch then you're on to something magical.
You don't have to build a business that involves social media posting, perfect tag lines, stupid sales pitches, get rich by doing x-y-z or 'getting out there in a big way' (whatever that means) but you can build something based on relationships and open hearted awesomeness.
I see it every day - programs, some offered by seemingly successful coaches, that promise you x-many steps to success. If you pay money into this or that program you will receive the PERFECT system to get everything you ever dreamed of.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Snake oil is an expression that originally referred to fraudulent health products or unproven medicine but has come to refer to any product with questionable or unverifiable quality or benefit. By extension, a snake oil salesman is someone who knowingly sells fraudulent goods or who is himself or herself a fraud, quack, charlatan, and the like.
I'm willing to go out on a limb here and tell you that the magic pill you're being sold isn't really all that magical. And it pisses me off when I see thousands of really cool people with amazing dreams and potential swallow the marketing being served.
See, I've seen the other side of the formula - every day I talk with people who feel like they suck and will never succeed because they are picking their way through all the training that these programs provide and they are failing… the 9-step formula to 7 figure income isn't working and they figure that it must be their fault.
I had a client who had spent upwards of $43,000 on programs and fancy masterminds and conferences. And in the first few sessions of working together we threw 95% of that into the trash and started retraining her brain to start trusting her intuition and following her own path to success. She filled up her program the instant she stopped believing in the magic pill and started believing in herself.
WE HAVE OUR OWN ANSWERS.
We know intuitively what needs to happen next to create what we are asking for. But we get distracted by empty promises and shiny quick fixes.
So I ask you - what is it you really want to create? What do you feel in your heart you are meant to do right now - in this very moment? What do the whispers in your soul tell you to do next?
I BEG you - please, please stop buying into the one-size-fits-all formula of building your business. You are unique and magical all on your own. You and the light you hold inside of you are all the formula you need to succeed.