Compartmentalizing Me

Compartmentalizing ourselves came up in conversation several times yesterday (who the hell do I hang out with that it would be a normal conversation is a totally different post lol). It's amazing how much we all divide ourselves into 'appropriate' roles, buttoning up to show our 'good' side, the side that will be accepted and liked right?

My first session with my spiritual coach revealed something I was all too familiar with - the many faces of Stacy. There was football/tennis mom Stacy, and wife Stacy, entrepreneur Stacy, coach Stacy, mother Stacy, daughter Stacy, a whole bunch of others and then at the very end hidden behind everyone else there was spiritual woo-woo Stacy.

I learned very early in life that this last side wasn't one to be worn loudly, that most people don't approve of guide-seeing, aura-reading, thought-reading, emotion-feeling little girls. It made me weird in school. More to the point, having gone to psychic fairs as a young girl with the barrage of energy in the room and those weird, weird, freaky weird people, made me want it even less. I shoved her back in the recesses and only let her out with a sacred few who knew me well, like my Grandma and my mom Sandi. They educated this spiritual side of me, reading books and talking privately about new revelations and learning. But still she remained a silent partner in my life. 

But as I got older the pain of that being hidden became too great, so I started letting her out more and more. She was still separate, as if I could control when and where I could be spiritual.

My work with my coach helped me to lessen my control... to allow her not just to come out but to weave her way through each of my different aspects, to be just as comfortable talking about Source at a rugby match as in a session. It took practice but the more I let her out the harder it became to control her, to keep her separate from the rest. 

Compartmentalizing ME was no longer an option. I still have control issues... it's still a work in progress, as I lean into the next level of expansion, but that first step was to show up as a unified front, whole and strong as 1 person rather than fragments of self. 

So how can you integrate who you are more? How can you bring your whole self to the table each and every time? Where are you controlling your own flow to show up as perfect? How can you release control?