I was in contraction last week...feeling off kilter and certainly I felt alone, misunderstood. I went up into my tower to cut myself off from the world.
Then I went to an event for the past couple of days. It was a lot of intense brain work in a room of people, who I actually ended up really enjoying being with. I learned shit-tons of stuff, remembered a lot of basics and connected with the mechanics of my business (having been hanging out with the heart of it for so long I almost forgot that there were cogs somewhere in there). Today I'm tired but I'm reengaged in a new way. I was bracing myself to really just collapse but it's quite the opposite.
Honestly, I believe it's because I surrendered to the contraction.
I whined a little and then just allowed myself to wallow in my self pity, and got comfortable in my tower. I let the contraction happen however it needed to happen and I watched it. I didn't really engage in it or get sucked down into it. I still wrote my book every day...I still had amazing conversations.
Then I surrendered to the event. I knew I would be triggered by some of the brain work and I did it anyhow. I watched the trigger happen and I let it just roll on by and continued working away & engaging in the class.
I learned things at an energetic level that I would have missed if my energy was tied up in fighting the brain work and rebelling against the 'do this next' classwork.
I let the ocean soothe me. I ate what I wanted. I laughed. I did some small talk. I sat in the same chair the whole time. I looked at my business with fresh eyes and a new perspective as it matures into it's next phase. Mostly I connected with a few brilliant souls and did some work I found to be pattern disruptive.
The point is...Today I don't feel the contraction anymore and I don't feel the snap back of having been surrounded by people for a few days. And I believe it's because I've been focusing so much on surrendering instead of struggling. I didn't navigate it perfectly. I felt my flareups. But I did consciously work at breathing and allowing myself to sink deeper into the experiences and it made all the difference on the back end, on the morning after feeling that flow is still all around me.
So where can you surrender in small ways? Where are the places you fight? Can you not fight and just observe instead? Can you lean deeper into experiences and contractions and even into expansions?
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