I don't make it through many self-development books. I read very little of other people's advice - yes it triggers my maverick 'don't tell me what to do' thing but there's a mirror there too.
See there's this part in the beginning of the books where the author spends time telling me all about the problem they are going to solve and proving why they are uniquely qualified to teach the solution to the world. And it bores the snot out of me and turns me off and it's predictable and makes me feel less-than.
This particular formula is like a weed in my life... find the problem, prove why THIS person is the one to deliver salvation and then finally give more proof about why it's the way.
Ideal client? What's their problem and then speak to that
Book? What problem are you going to eradicate with it
Public Speaking? What's wrong with the people in the room and tease them with a solution
Coaching? What's your problem....
When I was in high school I was captain of my Mock Trial team and the Debate team. I went into college hell bent on being a International Lawyer to fix the wrongs in the world. My husband and I didn't date for 3 years because we got into a political debate on the ride home from us being set up. I'm also a Virgo (gotta add that little piece)
Being right became who I was.
I can see the problems all around me and of course, I am an expert at solving them all. I am clever and intuitive and gosh-darn-it I KNOW the path.
It got me pretty far.
I also saw how damaging that is for others around me and for myself because I can see what happens to me internally when others tell me those same things.
What was I trying to prove by being right? How exhausting is it to always know the proper path? What was I pushing away by being the fixer?
I look at my book in wonderment because it took a good portion of my lifetime to finally release the pressure to prove that this stuff I was writing was awesome because quite frankly, I never felt that my material would solve any problem.
And if it didn't solve a problem then it was clearly not valuable.
I don't need anyone to fix ME... and somewhere along the way, I started understanding that I'm not here to fix anyone else either. Funny how that is a longer lesson to learn lol.
See when I play in the vibration of solving problems I am not advocating the expansion but reinforcing the contraction.
WHAT I FOCUS ON GROWS
Leading with problems and offering solutions is backwards.
Being an incredibly awesome problem solver was simply a way of proving something to myself and the world.
Is that true service?
Is it loving and kind to point out everyone else's issues and then say 'work with me' or 'read my book' because it will solve it for you because I KNOW THE WAY...?
That's what I had learned - to find the pain points and offer a way out.
That sells stuff all the time so obviously that's where to come from in my business right?
I started asking myself different questions and coming at my business from a different angle.
What if I approach people and business creation from a more loving place?
What if I see the pain and imperfections as beautiful and right and in fact not even address them at all?
What if I spend less time seeing what's wrong and more time concentrating ONLY on the magic and magnificent sentient beings we already are?
If I'm not proving anything or fixing anyone there's just so much more space to breathe in. So much more space to give permission for people to love and trust who they truly are.
The hardest part of writing my book was making sure that I was never telling others what to do...
WHAT I FOCUS ON GROWS
Focus on the magic already within, not the problems or blocks or whatevers holding us back and suddenly instead of growing the weeds, we grow the good stuff.
Lead with the wonderment and questioning and awe rather than the super smart solutions and the need to prove my awesomeness.
Release my need to share my perfect solution to others' perceived issues in all my interactions - from what I write to what I do.
What if I actually know nothing?
Speak only for myself and what I know. Live and be my message rather than preach from it.
I am an expert ONLY at being me.
Nothing to fix.
No problems to solve.
Nothing to prove.
6/6/2015 11:33:14 am
You just took everything I've learned and turned it upside down...and I'm not mad about it! Thank you for giving a different perspective on how we can build our coaching businesses with integrity and authenticity, instead of copying the models that have been created before us. This is so refreshing and gives me a lot of think about!
6/9/2015 12:28:05 am
Ha! You're so welcome Tikoshia. Those models never worked for me and my successes come from throwing them all out and doing what feels right intuitively.
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