The Five Letter Word That's Getting In The Way Of Really Surrendering...

Contrary to all the hype about surrender and letting go and just relaxing into "it", actually surrendering is hard as hell. Yeah there are moments when I can totally surrender, like dipping into a hot bath and letting the water soothe you.
 
But there's more to it than that isn't there? I've been on a quest to really ‘get’ it, to live into it. And I've been searching for proof that it wasn’t just some fantastical idea of spiritual living but that it had practical applications in my everyday life. In other words, I've had to live more fully in a surrender state than I had ever allowed myself to do.
 
I followed the ‘feel good’. I recognized that I am always in flow, even when the flow is painfully slow. I started relinquishing more and more control over how I allowed myself to be in the world.
 
What I noticed however, was that SURRENDER WAS A RESULT, NOT A BEHAVIOR.
 
I couldn’t work towards surrendering more because it felt like something unattainable, a foreign concept, something my mind just couldn’t ever wrap itself around.
 
The behavior I found I most needed most to cultivate to be able to produce that state of surrender, was TRUST.
 
BIG ASS SHIT TONS OF THAT FIVE LETTER WORD... TRUST
 
That opened a whole can of worms in my life. At the core of every fear and dream, every failure and success, every relationship, every word written, every moment stolen, was trust.
 
Without trust, nothing happens.
 
Without trust, surrender is impossible.
 
I spent time consciously focusing on where I could trust myself more. Those trust muscles got a serious work out. Moments when I was in the doldrums, when I starting hearing my mind doubting that I would ever get out of it, doubting myself and my process and moments of great rapid growth and action when I trusted myself to step out of the fast pace before I burned out and crashed instead of worrying that I’d never be in fast flow again, moments when I said yes and moments when I said no and trusting that it was the right answer for me at that time.
 
It has been a lot of work. I've done a lot of deep breathing. I've taken a lot of blind steps. I've hired spiritual coaches and energy healers to help me clear out the blocks between me and my place of surrender. I've read and taken classes, all the while focusing on trusting more.
 
Ultimately, I've landed in spaces of calm. Trusting myself more and more, and trusting the Universe more and more became easier for my mind to reconcile once I began seeing the proof that surrendering actually gave better results than I ever had believed possible.
 
That’s the good stuff - where the more you trust and surrender, the more magic comes into being. And the more magic comes into being in your life, the easier it is to trust and surrender.
 
I was feeling it everywhere in my life. I started to see the areas where trust impacted me the most, the patterns emerging of where I needed to trust more and where my clients needed to exercise their trust muscles.
 
I started mapping it out, the areas where surrendering had the highest and best impact: Can you trust yourself to desire? to create? to be powerful? to love and receive? to be vulnerable? to be you? and ultimately, can you trust yourself to surrender to a higher purpose?
 
Want to surrender fully to the magic we are meant to create in this lifetime?
 
IT ALWAYS COMES DOWN TO TRUST
 
I can feel the fear.
I can feel the vulnerability.
I can feel the trepidation.
I can feel the doubt.
 
And if I don't trust myself, those feelings take over & I stay put.
 
I can feel the nudges.
I can feel the desire.
I can feel the power.
I can feel the elation.
 
And if I don't trust myself to follow those feelings, the feelings fade away & again, I stay put.
 
But if I trust I can surrender, and if I surrender, I can choose how to respond to anything. I can choose to have fear, vulnerability, trepidation, doubt and trust myself to move forward anyhow. I can choose to feel the nudges, desire, power, elation and trust myself to ride the wave to whatever they are leading me to.
 
There are days where I don't trust myself and I struggle. And there are days where all I do is trust, and magic happens.
 
I don't always know where I'm going, but I trust that I'll make it.
 
It's an active practice, and the more I choose to trust, the easier and easier it is to surrender because evidence follows.
 
What will you choose to believe? What will you truly trust?